Richley’s Thoughts


Nick Yallech, Staff Writer

Where did the porch idea come from?

The idea of the porch came from ancient Mesopotamia. Ancient western Mesopotamia, to be exact. Thousands of years ago, known as the Era of the Great Raccoon and during the reign of King Jehossaphetl the Merciful. But don’t let his name fool you, his name at birth was actually “Frank”. Well, King Jehossaphetl, as was his custom, liked to begin his day by looking out from his palace and watching the sun or “poachaptur” rise. The legends say that one day, to escape from the hustle and bustle of the palace and quietly enjoy the rising of poachaptur, he stepped outside. And fell down a steep slope. As a result of the fall, he twisted his left ankle and severely bruised both thighs. He vowed then and there to build a flat extension of the palace from which he could watch the rising of poachaptur. Over time, this flat extension became known as what we could call a “porch”. It derives its name for King Jehossaphetl and the rising of poachaptur….What? Oh! Where did the hall porch idea come from? That’s easy, an episode of Seinfeld.


If you could be anyone else in this school, who would you be and why?

Bob Ross. If I could be anyone else anywhere, it would be Bob Ross. Could you imagine what it’d be like to go through life and not make one mistake?! Not one! Just happy accident after happy accident. Didn’t pay my taxes for the past three years? Boom! Happy accident! Forgot to come to work for a month? Boom! Happy accident! Accidentally “dropped” a porcupine in a swimming pool, again? Seriously happy accident! The only danger is that I may not be as safe a driver since all of my accidents would be happy. I’d have to be extra vigilant.


Favorite inspirational quote:

“Time is money; Money is power; Power is pizza; Pizza is knowledge. Let’s go!”

~ April Ludgate-Dwyer


If you could be a superhero, who would you be and why?

I would be a superhero with the buoyancy of a duck, echolocation of a fruit bat and migratory patterns of monarch butterflies. Furthermore, I would possess the igloo building skills of Inuit eskimos, nest building skills of chinstrap penguins and the wall building skills of China’s Qin dynasty. In addition to those, I’d have the spaghetti sauce making skills of my Grandma Jo, the javelin throwing skills of Mr. Zetts and the video editing skills of Mr. Clones. So, yeah, I’d basically be Mr. Reash since he has all of those qualities and much more.


What would you do, if you weren’t a teacher?

Sleep in, I guess, right? No, seriously, I’d have to find another job. Teaching is the only one I have.


Favorite high school memory:

That’s a tough one. I have so many fond high school memories. Maybe the one when my friends and I participated in a dance contest at our favorite restaurant, The Max? Or maybe when we convinced our friend, A.C., to stay in our school rather than transferring to one in Hawai’i? Hmm, or when we held an impromptu fashion show and sale in the main hall to help another friend, Lisa, pay back her dad’s credit card bill? See, there are so many. My favorite would probably be our “cut day”. You would probably call it “skip day”. My best friend, Zach, couldn’t miss anymore school without facing a suspension. Knowing this, another friend of ours, A.C., made a bet with Zach that he couldn’t get out of school during each period of the day. Never one to back down from a dare, Zach quickly agreed. It was crazy! At one point, Mr. Belding, our principal at the time, had to be a sub in one of Zach’s classes! And while all of this was going on, a local radio DJ was holding a contest at The Max and Zach and I were trying to win it. Concert tickets were on the line! And who could forget about Jessie? She actually stayed in school intentionally. There was a shipment of styrofoam cups coming to the school and she was there to protest the delivery. It easy to say that Bayside was never the same after that day.


If you were a rapper, what would your rap name be?

Gift. I’d be Gift Rapper. And I’d give out tiny, cleverly wrapped packages at all of my concerts. People wouldn’t be able to wait to get home. They’d be so eager to see what Gift had given them. And, most of the time? The presents would be friendship bracelets. Who doesn’t love those? But every once in a while, I’d include an autographed picture of Tony Danza.


Is the Earth flat?

Yes. It’s as flat as my dad’s head. Which is round, bald and fabulous.


If animals could talk, which would be the rudest?

By my estimates, the rudest animals seem to be those two crabs in Finding Nemo, the grasshoppers in A Bug’s Life or those dogs from Up. Do they count though? Were they technically “talking”? Or could we just understand their thoughts?


If you could make a new species, what two animals would you use to breed and what would it be called?

If I could combine two animals and breed a new one, I would use the narwhal and the horse. I think I’d name it a Nar-horse? Narse? No, no. Horsicorn? Close. Hmmm, what about ‘unicorn’? That sounds good, right? I’d breed unicorns.


If you won the lottery, what would be the first thing you would buy?

Probably a whole lot of bubbles because, bubbles, right?